


Not one of us.

by Elit3



Series: Theo deserve happiness and Scott will make him happy. [1]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Hurt Theo Raeken, M/M, Protective Scott McCall (Teen Wolf), Songfic, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Theo Raeken Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-10
Updated: 2020-07-10
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:00:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25191313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elit3/pseuds/Elit3
Summary: After another nightmare Theo is tired of everything: live, suffer from the pack, to try to be good. So he does the only thing he can think about and commit suicide.
Relationships: Scott McCall/Theo Raeken
Series: Theo deserve happiness and Scott will make him happy. [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1824898
Kudos: 28





	Not one of us.

**Author's Note:**

> HI! First of all, i hope that you will like it. I am fan of the Lion King II and yesterday i was listening to the song "not one of us" where Kovu is rejected by everyone. So here were are.

Deception  
Disgrace  
Evil as plain as the scar on his face  


It was another of his nights, one of those when he woke up sweaty, tears blurring his vision and a cry stuck in his throat. The result of these nightmares and always the same, Tara taking back what belongs to her. Except that the dream in itself change every time. The most basic and in a way the simplest to forget, is the one where he is running with his sister behind him ready to rip his heart out. In this dreams he just have to let himself be done but the others are much harder to face because they seem so real. Sometimes it's the pack that brings him in the underworld as a thanks for his services, in another it's Scott - or someone else in the pack - who rips his heart out to give it to Tara, or sometimes they're just a spectator while Tara is taking back her heart.In this dream, he can hear them laugh, hear them saying that he deserve it. Theo finally manages to catch his breath. But the young man is exhausted, he no longer has the strength to fight, after all why fight when nobody cares?  


Deception (An outrage!)  
Disgrace (For shame!)  
He asked for trouble the moment he came  
Deception (An outrage!)  
(He can't change his stripes)  
Disgrace (For shame!)  
(You know these Outsider types)  
Evil as plain as the scar on his face  
(See you later, agitator!)  
Deception (An outrage!)  
(Just leave us alone!)  
Disgrace (For shame!)  
(Traitor, go back with your own!)  
He asked for trouble the moment he came  
(See you later, agitator!)

He drowns, he is stuck in a rough sea with the waves that push him back each time at the bottom of the water, he shouts for someone to come and help him but his cries of despair fall into the ears of a deaf, he reaches out but no one takes it. Instead of helping him, the pack do everything they can to push him to the bottom. Theo hates the pack meetings in which he is obliged to participate, they do not trust him to be out of sight or too close to them. During this hour of torture, he must pretend to be well, whether he is not starving or thirsty, or sleeping all nightless. The worst part is that he has to pretend not to see how they laugh at him, talk about him or even how they look at him as public enemy No. 1. All they're waiting for is for him to make a misstep to send him back there so in addition to pretending, he also has to show that nothing they can do could hurt him and don't say any of the negatives remarks he may have. He is their henchman and there is nothing he can do against that.

Born in grief  
Raised in hate  
Helpless to defy his fate  
Let him run  
Let him live  
But do not forget what we cannot forgive

A few days ago Stiles told him that he could never be part of the pack because he was not a real werewolf. That night, Theo laughs while thinking about it because Stiles is right as always. He is not a real werewolf. He is only the product of a successful experiment, only the result of a silver injection. The ash mountains don't work on him and the wolfbane can't kill him even though it hurts him very badly. In return he cannot have a pack, no normally constituted pack would not want a werewolf-coyote with them and the only pack that could accept it, hates him. His other problem and that he does not have the same accelerated healing as werewolves, he has one but that is much slower. Which means that if he tried to open his veins his healing would save him, the same for pills that have no effect on supernatural beings. Luckily he had bought a rope after Stiles' comment, just in case.

And he is not one of us  
He has never been one of us  
He is not part of us  
Not our kind

Thinking about the past hurts him. Theo remembers fifth grade when he and Scott, Stiles and Stiles were still friends. All of them were so much simpler at the time, all he cared about was his heart, but he didn't really see the problem because it brought him closer to Scott. They played video games, did sleepovers, exchanged game cards... But then the dread doctors came back into his life. At first they would come occasionally or they were there carpeted in the shadows, but he could hear the metallic rustle they were doing. He remembers talking to Tara who called him crazy and told him that her life would be better without him, and then he told his parents who sent him to a shrink. After that he never mentioned them again, they were always there, they tortured him but he could not say anything because if he did then he would be alone and nothing would prevent them from taking him. At the same time, Scott and Stiles moved away from him because of their own problem. The doctors promised him a better life and he agreed, he did everything they wanted and even more. Since he came back to Beacon Hills the weight of regret gnaws at him, it was so much easier to feel nothing, to be the bad guy because it's tiring to try to be nice without knowing how to do it. 

Someone once lied to us  
Now we're not so blind  
For we knew he would do what he's done  
And we know that he'll never be one of us

He can no longer continue like this: to have a stomach ache because he is so hungry, to have this feeling of omnipresent thirst or of the harassment he suffers from the members of Parliament. All he wants is to have a roof over his head, a bed, to see that feeling of perpetual cold going away, a meal and something to drink. But nobody is going to give him that. All he has left is this truck that he refuses to sell even though several people have made him an offer. He hopes that when it dies that the truck will fall into good hands. Theo gets out of the vehicle despite the cold that hits his skin, grabs the rope - as well as the stool he bought with it, if the cashier understood what he was going to do he did not said anything to stop him - and heads to the heart of the reserve where the trees will be strong enough. On the way, he thinks back to what Malia told him this morning when she violently pushed him against his truck. She said: "When you will make a wrong step, and I know you will, I'll be there and believe me I'll be happy to kill you." He just shruged his shoulders and replied :"and i won't stop you", she hit him and leaved him alone. Malia will be sad to learn that she will not be able to kill him herself. He tightens his arms around his trembling shape because even his hoodie is not enough to protect him from the cold, or the loneliness he feels. Now he is determinate to leave this world.

He is not one of us

Finally, he finds the perfect tree, an oak tree with thick branches. He places the stool just below a fairly high branch, then he passes the rope with the knot over the branch and attaches the end of the rope to the trunk of the tree. He watches the macabre spectacle, from the stool placed there to the rope swinging in the void because of the wind, to the sky without stars. Theo stops at this view and asks himsef if there is even anything holding him back from killing himself. His real parents died a long time ago, the dread doctors had made sure of it, and his false parents fled at the first opportunity. He killed his sister. There is nothing left for him, when he dies no one will regret it and Theo does not know if he should be saddened or happy by this thought. He is standing on the stool with the rope around his neck when Scott's image comes to mind. What will Scott think when he learns that his childhood friend committed suicide? Will someone even look for his body? But he pushes back the thought Scott, the alpha does not care a lot about him. Theo killed him after all but Scott let his sister take him into that hole, so they're even, right? Because Scott died only once, but he died a hundreds of times. He wipes away the tears that have flowed down his cheeks without him noticing. It's right before he dies that he realizes he loves this idiot of scott Mccall, but his love isn't as strong as his desire to die. Theo tells himself that the alpha will understand once he has read the letter he has in his pocket. The letter is not long, he did not want to say much so he only wrote: "I understand, you do not want me in your pack but you do not want me to go away too far at the risk that I could do something evil. So I'm pulling out of the equation, you don't have to watch after me anymore, now you're sure I wouldn't do anything wrong and Scott you won't need to take responsibility for sending me back to hell. The dread doctors were wrong i'm not a success i'm a failure". His survival instinct tries to convince him not to do it, that everything will end up going well if he continues to fight. But that's not true, it's just an illusion. He screams with rage and kicks the stool. Theo Raeken can finally be at peace. 

Deception  
Disgrace  
Deception  
Disgrace  
Deception

He begins to choke, as soon as the stool no longer supports him and the rope cuts off his breathing. He kicks in the void and needs all his resolution not to cut the rope with a claw. Instead, it lets gravity do. Theo hears suffocation noises and feels his face turn red with tears streaming down his cheeks. But finally, he stops struggling, his body makes some spasms and he feels his vision turn black. Despite the pain, he smiles knowing that this is the end. Except that before he falls unconscious everything stops. He does not know what is going on except that he suddenly finds himself on the ground, struggling to remove the rope that tightens his throat and prevents him from breathing. One hand helps him remove the rope while another hand rests on his stomach to bring it closer to the chest of a man behind him. Instead of moving away from the touch or chest of the unknown, he gets closer because the touch is soft and pleasant and he wants more. Through his breaths to send air back into his lungs and coughs, he hears a soothing voice behind him and smells a pleasant smell that helps him relax. But he knows that voice and that smell. Scott! It is the alpha that detached him and is currently helping him catch his breath. Why? Why did he interrupt him when he was almost there?! Theo starts laughing hysterically while crying and this time Scott turns it over and forces him to look at him, then the alpha says the words that the chimera never thought to hear: "I don't want you to die! If I hadn't heard you scream or if I'd have arrived too late you'd be dead!" Theo heard himself answering: "What does it matter to you?! Whether I die or live is the same thing." Scott looks at him with a strange look with his eyes shining red, the alpha grunts before kissing him. Even though the alpha is angry his kiss remains sweet and chaste, showing all his love to the chimera, the kiss quickly came to an end and Scott whispered to him: "Because I love you". 

Theo is shocked, of all the things Scott could have said these are the words the alpha chose. But is that really possible? That someone cares about him? Hope rises in him to this thought and he is heard answering Scott that these feelings are reciprocal. He approaches Scott to get the taste of Scott's lips on his own. His heart beats with joy when Scott doesn't push him away. But once again the kiss ends quickly. He can hear the alpha talking to him but the voice is muffled, now that the adrenaline is gone, Theo feels tired and has half-closed eyelids. He hears a little laugh coming from the other boy, then there are hands on his thighs and he starts to fly. The rational part of his mind tells him that he does not fly and that it is just Scott who is holding him, so he tightens his arms around the alpha's neck and his legs around the other's hips. It feels like a koala hanging from a tree. Scott asks him where his truck is parked and he moves his arm towards where his truck is supposed to be, too tired to respond. Theo is not completely asleep since he feels Scott's hands to touch him in order to find his car keys, he must have found it because he is deposited in the passenger seat, a small noise comes out of his mouth -although he will never admit it - at the thought of being out of the arms of the alpha.

He is awakened by a voice calling his first name, a hand shaking his shoulder and the smell of food. Theo makes a small gesture to repel the invasive hand but without success, he opens his eyes to see that he is still in his truck and whispers a "what?". Scott is still driving but now Theo has a bag on his lap with a big yellow "M" on it, he can feel the drool trying to get out of his mouth. 

"I took a little bit of everything since I didn't know what you wanted, I would have taken what you were taking when we were kid but I'm not sure that a happy meal is enough for a hungry wolf-teen."

Inevitably, Scott had felt how skinny he is since he held it against him. Theo feels the discomfort mounted on his cheeks so he starts the first burger and he almost moans to taste in his mouth. He is infinitely grateful to Scott for the food. When he finished devouring the burgers, the alpha tells him not to go back to sleep as they are soon arriving. Theo understands that Scott is talking about his house when he sees what neighborhood they're in. The chimera is not sure to want to go home knowing that Mr. Argent and Madame Mccall are sleeping but a warm hand in the hollow of his back forces him to enter the house. Scott supports half his weight to climb the stairs, all he wants is to sleep not to climb stairs that are not even straight - the little rational voice in his head comes back to point out that it is he who does not walk properly. But the alpha is there every time he misses a step and helps him stabilize each time. Without really knowing how, he's in Scott's bathroom with Scott telling him to take a shower. He fights with his clothes and he is sure to have been too strong with his sweater, finally he enters the shower and under hot water. He washes because he has oily hair and his skin itching him, not because the alpha asked him. He almost fall asleep twice and only Scott's voice prevented him from falling asleep completely. Once washed with Scott's shampoo, he comes out of the shower and wraps the fluffy towel which was waiting for him on the toilet around him. Scott enters in the bathroom with clothes and Theo silently asks him to help him put them on. He mechanically raises his arms when Scott asks him, in order to dry him and responds to other requests without thinking too much about it. Under the care of his childhood friend Theo begins to sleep while standing. He barely feels the sweater being forced on his head, except that now all his senses are only focused on the smell of Scott on the sweater. If Theo was in his normal state he would have had a smirk or said a seductive line to make Scott blush even more while he is making him don a boxer and pajama stocking, but fortunately for the alpha, the chimera is not in his normal state. Instead, he is again forced to walk even though the walk is much shorter and he collapses on the bed without thinking about it. Before he can even think about sleeping, pesky hands are back to force him to move so that he is on his side instead of taking the whole place of the bed, he feels a strong chest behind his back, an arm meanders below his head so that he uses the arm as a pillow, the duvet is put on them and finally an arm comes - below the duvet - to rest on his belly to squeeze even more back to the chest. This time he does not stop the sound of contentment coming out of his mouth.

Someone else would have found this position stifling especially as Scott keeps his grip tight on him. Except for Theo who a few hours ago was trying to commit suicide. For him it's perfect. He is in the arms of the man he loves, surrounded by this comforting smell and is locked in a real cocoon whose only his hair protrudes from the duvet. He is no longer hungry or thirsty, although his throat still hurts and he knows that tonight Tara will not disturb him because Scott is there to keep her away. He knows that they will have to talk the next morning about his suicide attempt and the letter, but also about them. For now Theo is too tired and he falls asleep happy for the first time in a long time with a smile on his face.

**Author's Note:**

> Ok, so i know that i should had stop the fic when the song stop with the last "deception" because it would have been more poetic that way. The fic is supposed to talk about a teenager who did bad things but who is trying so much to be good but nobody care about the fact that he changed, so he killed himself and that was it is supposed to be, he die alone and abandonned by everyone. But... I couldn't do that. I debated with myself for a long time before to decide which end i wanted for this fic. If i had let Theo died it would have been more realistic, right? Because when you are on the edge and that you come to a point that you want to suicide usually no one arrive to save you -except in movies obviously- and especially not your crush. Also personnally i don't believe in a good or bad end because i believe in the message that the story is trying to make us learn. So i should a let it be, like that the message would have been: "never stop fighting", "there always somebody waiting for you, somewhere" or "you should always watch after your friends". But it's a fic so i can also believe in an happy ending for Theo if i want to, i mean, i'm not god but fuck it! They are living in Beacon Hills anything can happen so why not this? I wanted an happy ending because i'm not done with Sceo and i'm about to write some prequels from this fanfiction so i need Theo alive.  
> PS. If you really want a "bad" ending, you can just stop the fic at the last "deception" if you want to.  
> PS N°2. I'm not that sentimental usually which mean that i really love Sceo.


End file.
